Just as the snow was manageable and I planned to go to the local supermarket it started chucking it down again! I hope it will sleet or rain so I can go tomorrow!

I've been buying everything lately, Christmas presents for myself and why not? I bought 2 tight polo neck jumpers (boy they make my boobs look huge!), some thigh high socks, a new slanket as mine fell apart (buy cheap buy twice - bought a decent one this time!), a massage unit to put in my car for those long drives to London (my housemate will test it to make sure it doesn't hurt or get too hot anywhere I can't feel), a learning Welsh book as my housemate and I both speak a little bit of Welsh and this book will refresh our memories, some things I've bought I can't even remember!

Yesterday I went to get my eyelashes done. I pulled up outside the salon and got the wheelchair out. There was a gap between the car and kerb but I managed to get into the chair safely and into the salon and up onto the treatment bed. I now have semi-permanent super long lashes that I will need to get filled every 2-4 weeks depending how quickly they fall out. I was supposed to pick up a friend for dinner but he cancelled :-( never mind, slanket is on and I'm looking at my gorgeous cats all curled up, one on my chair and the other on my bean bag! I have a pair of grey knitted leggings on and a grey Rolling Stones t shirt where the trademark mouth is made of silver metal pieces, like rhinestones but metal.

I was a busy bee yesterday, I had an orthodontist appointment and as I had to be in London for 7pm I stayed in Cardiff and went for a carvery. When I got out of the car I took my make up and handbag in with me and struggled to the kerb where I saw a bloody pay and display machine! It applied to all parking spaces so I had to stick a pound in and wheel back to my car to put the ticket on display. When I finally got into the carvery I ordered my food and put my make up bag down and had assistance with my plate. When I was done I wheeled to the bathroom and did my make up and had a wee. I got back to my car for half 3 so a leisurely drive was anticipated.

It turns out Junction 2 and 3 on the M4 were closed,for no reason. The diversion took me all the way around and I finally arrived at half 7 - this was an hour later that the Sat Nav's estimated time. I arrived in one piece though and even managed to use the non disabled toilet. I was wearing a cream and brown striped skirt with brown tights and a cream vest teamed with a leopard print cardi and my leopard print gloves. I had forced my toes into a pair of brown high heels and on arrival took them off with my tights to see a red area where a bone in my foot had been causing my skin to rub but that's gone now. I took a pair of flat black ballet pumps with me to wear home which was a good idea as my ankles are hard to control in heels!

I'm taking my car for a full valet tomorrow...

It's not getting warmer but the snow has subsided. I kept warm yesterday in a brown patterned skirt with tights and thigh high socks plus a thermal jumper with another jumper over it. I had some some wonderfully warm gloves sent to me by a dear friend - cashmere lined and even they didn't work against the weather today and my fingers were freezing. I've been looking for warm clothes but I don't see many that I like. I follow my own fashion.

I haven't had any problems with the snow as it wasn't as severe as last Winter but it's only November. I'm going out at half 5 to see my friend and go for food.

I'm finally home from my vacation in Thailand, I am so glad I chose the hotel I chose and the airline were top class except for the bit where they lost my side-guard in Abu Dhabi. They seemed to think it was OK to fly my chair straight to Bangkok. I was so humiliated in their big clunky wheelchair that I couldn't even push myself in. At least they didn't lose a tyre.

My housemate and I arrived in Bangkok at about 6.30pm, the sun was already setting as he lifted me into a taxi and we gave the driver our destination in Pattaya. Turns out it's quite a well known hotel. I wouldn't know where a top hotel was past Cardiff let alone somewhere at least an hour away. We were checked into our room where we discovered I wouldn't really be able to get in and out of the bathroom due to a step into it which then went down a little and was narrow, you wouldn't be able to stand on it really, a couple of inches thick, just to stop the room getting wet. It was a small bathroom and I had to wedge my wheelchair against the bath and do a dodgy transfer onto the toilet. For the bath I can get in a bath and at a shove get out but it's risky, especially when wet. We had a large single bed each and I was glad I had an indwelling catheter fitted. We went exploring that night. The pavements are very high and my housemate pushed my chair for me. We went for food and saw some late markets.

The next morning we were up by 8 to get the buffet breakfast. It was to die for, had everything from bacon and eggs to salad, noodles, rice, juices, I had 2 plates full along with 2 croissants and a drink. We tired of it after a week though and just bought ourselves Instant Noodles so we could sleep later. Things don't start til 10/11am in Thailand. Many hours were spent sunbathing by the pool even on the cloudy days as the rays still penetrate the clouds. We went to market after market, beach vendor after beach vendor. I drank a lot of coconuts and got carried onto many mini buses (these were actually modified pick up trucks with metal benches and a frame). I bought lots of clothes.

One night we were on what is called Second Road going into a mall named the Big C. My housemate had just lifted me over fixed metal traffic poles and set me down, I lifted so he could push my cushion from the wheel (I did lose my side-guard after all) and this old man came up to me and asked why the wheelchair, what was wrong with my legs. I said nothing, it's my back. He then proceeded to lift his shorts up and go into detail about his knee replacement and how he had to be in one of 'these'. I told him it's not a competition whilst laughing, strained laughter. I was fuming. How dare he? I was having a wonderful time when some old git decides to try and score some sort of point? He claimed to be 85, he wasn't. He was 65 if that. He claimed his mother was 105, what a bullshitter. He then told me to keep smiling. I told him well done, he wins the Internet. He was one of those people who doesn't care to listen to anyone else, he carried on with his evening.

Many times by the pool I inflated my rubber ring and had my housemate gently place me in the water so I could float about. I tensed my lower stomach muscles to see my legs rise. I had a couple of Thai massages, I didn't say I couldn't feel my legs and closed my eyes to see if I could tell. I knew something was going on, much like if you pull a string the end will follow if you pull or push a leg it makes other muscles and bones higher up move. It was lovely to get my back, shoulders, arms and neck massaged.

We were there for a special festival that only happens on the 12th lunar Month which is usually in November. People bought and crafted floating ornaments out of wood and flowers to put in the sea with candles in and let off Chinese lanterns. The beach was packed full of people and the sky full of these lanterns. We bought one was lit it before watching it eventually get enough hot air in it to float into the sky. There were still floating remnants in the sea the next day.

I was stunned by some people's ignorance to my condition. Whilst lifting me about sometimes someone would try to help by grabbing my wheels. What do people think wheels do? You can't pick someone up by their wheels. Makes me want to swear, fuck it I'll swear. Thinking they're helping. I could've come out and landed on my face! I had to slap hands and show them WHEELS TURN AROUND. And the times I asked about elevators in places and they'd helpfully point me up a flight of stairs. What do they think the wheelchair is for? For SHOW? I did fall out, twice. Once my flatmate was, er, entertaining and I didn't know where he was. He'd been gone 12 hours. I got up, got myself into the bathroom and in and out of the bath myself then when I was trying to get out there was that weird step and the bathroom is higher than the floor outside. I tried to wheelie out but that 2 inch step was too small and a little too high so my chair tipped forwards. I was holding myself in when I realised I could safely slide out, push my chair in front of me to the bed which was all of 2 metres and drag myself onto the bed. As I got on the bed who turned up? The Scarlet Pimpernel himself. The second time we got a coach to Bangkok to go to the markets there and yet another helpful soul directed us to the SkyTrain which was, of course, up a flight of marble steps. Cheers! I didn't notice the slight difference in floor levels before this discovery and the front castors hit and I slid out. Because I like to wear skirts I have it so my catheter bag is in the little bag under my chair and I attach or detach it myself as I have a flip-flow valve. When I came out I was still attached and terrified of damaging my urethra. All was fine though. We had to get a taxi back and they overcharged cos we're not Thai (isn't that racism? If we did that here people would get locked up!). That night was a bowel night and let's just say I was a little late. The taxi driver coughed, my housemate said I smelled and I checked, wrong way to find out really.

On the way there my luggage was less than 10 kilos and so was my housemates. On the way back it weighed 39 kilos between us. We took my remaining side-guard and cushion on the plane this time. No flies on us. Got on the plane first and through all the checks first. Sadly if you're in a wheelchair you have to get off the plane last. We just got to our connecting flight as it was in 'final call'. Got home last night about half 8 and already it feels like I never went :-(

I ordered a syringe so I can remove my catheter and called for another side-guard this morning. It was a wonderful 2 weeks, I missed my cats though (we found a stray a few months back and another turned up just days before we left, I'm getting her checked tomorrow just in case she's not well or injured).

A mischievous cat came in through the side window today and was in the hall when my housemate spotted it, it was a grey stripey one, very friendly and a bit fluffy. My cat did not like this and went nuts so we had to shut the door while I played with this new cat. My housemate had to usher it out which was a shame, I would like lots of cats ha x he thinks he's seen a stray by his girlfriend's house and said if it is still there he will bring it home.

I am eagerly anticipating Thailand, half the weather reports suggest scattered torrential storms but knowing that part of the world it only absolutely chucks it down for about half an hour. Excitement for Egypt is on it's way too.

I have a nail appointment tomorrow ready for Thailand and may pop a quick sunbed in as I haven't been in over a week. I have my mosquito bands, insect repellent and factor 30 spray ready and we've found our passports.

I was thinking an umbrella hat would be better, it won't poke anyone in the eye then.

Lat night I arranged to see a friend to go firework hunting. I pulled on a pair of skinny indigo jeans and a grey thermal jumper then eased my legs into a pair of grey suede thigh high boots, forcing my hand inside to ease my toes straight. I transferred into my wheelchair and hooked my heels onto the footrest before going to the car and transferring in. I had my housemate put my wheelchair in the boot then went to pick up my friend.

After picking her up we went to a snack bar up a mountain for a roll then went to pick my housemate and his girlfriend up. We parked up a mountain with a great view but by the time we got there the fireworks had practically stopped!

I had my indwelling catheter put in today ready for Thailand, I don't like it as it shows through my tight wet-look leggings and I'm not sure if they are too tight that they do not let my urine low to the leg bag. I have a flip flow valve at the top so I can control it so not to lose bladder tone but last year it kept leaking from inside me! I had to keep it on open all the time.

Anyway I have thermal leggings on under my wet-look leggings to keep warm and my slanket. I've been buying cosy pyjamas and thigh high fluffy socks to keep me warm in bed and I have lots of thin blankets to layer on top of my duvet in bed as layers are better than one big blanket plus if I get too hot then I can flick one or two off. It will be a shame to come back to this cold, dreary country after being in Thailand!

So it's Halloweem weekend! My alarm went off at half 10 reminding me to pick up my friend for a Halloween Workshop. She had no idea what was entailed and wishing to be part of the Halloween spirit after my shower I wriggled into a Minnie Mouse dress complete with net tutu and thigh high socks. As the dress in empire lined I added my own saucy twist with a leather underbust corset. I eased my feet into red patent high heels with an ankle strap and bow, put my Minnie Mouse ears on and away we went.

On arrival a few people gave me approving looks, or maybe it was shock I can't tell! We got to the Workshop to find it full of children! We stayed anyway and I painted cutouts of a pumpkin and 2 bats. We went for food shortly after to an Italian and I had to get the corset off as I felt very faint and generally 'off'.

I am now in my apartment awaiting my housemate as we have pumpkins to carve!

I am counting down the hours til I'm on that flight to Thailand, I've been Googling it all over and over! I'm so excited! I want to go to Egypt next!

It was sunny yet ice cold this morning when I got up for voluntary work. I made a sensible decision and chose to wear a grey knitted poncho to keep me warm over my grey jeans and t shirt. I've ordered fluffy over the knee socks for winter and a blanket with sleeves. I already have a thermal vest, 2 thermal jumpers and some thermal leggings as well as fluffy ankle boot slippers! I will not be cold this year!

Last week when I went to voluntary work I fell out of my wheelchair as the door to the building opens outwards and the ramp is steep. This time I called a lady from across the pavement and when I left asked for a member of staff to open it for me. I then went for a sandwich and sunbed, bought a few vests and a mini skirt. I love vests, they can be dressed up or down and layered. They don't get in the way of the wheelchair either.

I didn't question why I was taped to my instructor, I would've thought it was pretty obvious seeing as I can't move my legs. Anyway, the weather's been dry for a while now, wish it would stay like this! I can handle the cold I just can't stand the rain. It affects my grip severely plus how is one supposed to wheel and hold an umbrella? Hopefully I'll miss the rain when I escape to Thailand in the not too distant future.

I went for my bi-weekly sunbed today, I didn't want to get off! I didn't bother looking around town, just came straight home so I could catch up with a few things as I was in London yesterday, left at half 2 and didn't get back til gone midnight. I've been applying for full time work on the hope I get a new wheelchair!

Well should I say wheelchair users don't do a skydive? You will arrive before everyone else yet be kept til last because apparently it's 'harder work' for the whole team? This 'harder work' consisted on my feet being gaffer taped to my diver's feet. Big mission! Waking up at 5am to be there for 8am and then jumping at 1pm really took it out of me. I didn't have a good sleep as it was so I made up for it last night, I don't really feel that awake now to be honest! I'll have to improve on this post when I feel more 'with it' sorry guys!

So in hopefully less than 24 hours I'll be doing my much talked about skydive! The weather is looking good (bit of an Indian Summer over here, though it's technically Autumn!) and I have thermal leggings ready! I am going to wrap up super warm, tights, socks, thermals, you name it I'll be trying to wear it!

I do have my video of my weekend away ready to go but don't wish to overload everyone. Best things come to those who wait! 3 and a half weeks til Thailand. I will be shutting my video and picture sets pages down for this period as I will not be here to send them.

I have to see the nurse at 4pm for my jabs for Thailand, I've ordered my indwelling catheters and leg bags. It's deceivingly sunny out yet a bit chilly. I have a fluffy blanket on. I was thinking about going to Sharm El Sheikh for a Scuba diving week in May with the same charity that I went to Exmoor with but its £845 and for that could get 2 weeks, 5 star hotel all inclusive in the same place for two people! Is that near the pyramids? I would love to dive and see the pyramids!

I did it ALL this weekend, how I'm still awake I don't know! I left for Devon at 11am Friday and arrived at just gone 3pm. As I parked up a people carrier with 2 wheelers and a walker pulled up and got out. One was a para, 26 years old, and the other a quad with some arm and hand movement - enough to propel a manual chair. The walker was a carer and he helped carry our cases to the conservatory of the centre and once we were allocated rooms took our bags into our rooms. I was paired with a walker, a mid 20's solicitor who was lovely. The majority of the group were male and my age but there was an older man. The only disabled women were members of staff.

On the first evening wee all got to know each other and played some games like throwing a ball and saying each other's names, we even got competitive with football style games split into teams. We all retired to our rooms by 11pm ready for Saturday and I did my Peristeen.

Half 7 Saturday morning I peeled myself out of bed and wheeled to the bathroom where I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I got undressed in my chair then got onto the toilet for a good wash with my sponge and shower gel. I put my towel on my chair and got back onto it to get back to my bed. I put my clothes on and make up and went for breakfast and we were split into groups for the activities. I was in the group to first use the pool and prepare for kayaking on Sunday. I was a bit daunted as I know how much I hate the water but I went over, transferred onto the ledge and lowered myself into the jacuzzi while we waited for each pair (one disabled, one not) to go in the Kayak and deliberately capsize. I was bricking it. I so did not want to do it. I got hoisted out of the jacuzzi and wheeled to the pool where I transferred into a crate with a cushion on then put a cushion over the edge of the kayak and placed my feet gently in the kayak. One move and I was in. My partner for the day followed and the kayak pulled into the pool. May I add that I was strapped into a buoyancy aid! We paddled in the small area til they asked us if we wanted to try capsizing. It was just in case we capsized in the lake so it was for our own good so we did it. I soon bobbed to the surface and was happy the buoyancy aid kept me afloat!

Our next activity was archery! The one lad is in a team and competes and we all had a go and tried to get the highest scores. In the evening we played games again and went to bed by about 11pm.

Sunday I put leggings on with thigh high socks and tracksuit bottoms, a thermal jumper, vest and jacket and waterproofs and headed to the lake. In our doubles we got into our kayaks and went around the very windy lake until they decided it was too rough and we had to gingerly creep around the edge of the lake. No one fell out, I was scared though (I had my life jacket on, don't fret), and we all went to the sports hall where we climbed a rope (with a harness on). Outside we abseiled (in a wheelchair haha!) and then we did this swing thing which gets pulled to the ceiling and let go. It was quite exciting! After all that we went to the woods and had a campfire.

All the early mornings have certainly got to me, I'm tired now and it's not even 3pm. I did get some footage of my weekend and I will be piecing it together soon so watch this space!

I just called the airfield and the weather is too bad to dive tomorrow. I have rebooked for the 16th xx

My lad and I went to a burlesque event this evening with his older sister and her husband. I 'liked' the company on Facebook after attending a burlesque event earlier in the year and they sent me an email advertising their event for tonight. I booked 4 tickets as my housemate was to come with his latest beau but he had a last minute call for work so had to pull out.

I had a look online and got some vouchers for a lovely chain restaurant named Zizzi, it is an Italian and we go there often as there are always money off vouchers online and it is nice food.

Last time we went to the burlesque people in the audience were dressed up so I picked out my pink gingham under bust corset and did it up at the front while my lad tightened the laces at the back. It was weird transferring as it is so rigid I can't move! It was weird wheeling too so I had my lad push me about (any excuse!). I also wore a pair on navy almost skin tight jeans, pink ankle socks to hide my still bandaged foot, pink ballet pumps and a white cardigan. Under the corset I wore a white tight vest with a frill detail on the bust which complimented the corset. I styled my hair and did my make up with false eyelashes and red glittery eyeliner.

The show was brilliant and I uploaded pictures of me in my outfit onto the wonderful Internet.

I'm really feeling winter fashion this year and I've bought myself some super cute winter style mini skirts and tight jumpers to go with my many tights, vests and over knee socks. I even bought a grey knitted poncho after checking it wasn't going to catch in my wheels! I wore one of my outfits yesterday - a brown fitted vest with a cream mini skirt with blue, brown and pink lines crossed through it which I teamed up with brown tights and pink ballet pumps to match the pink in the skirt and my pink handbag.

I start my volunteer work on Friday at 10am! I've also applied for volunteer work with newly injured people so fingers crossed!

Yesterday I picked my sister up and we made our way to my favourite photographers house. On arrival the photographer assembled my wheelchair and I gently rolled down the slight hill to his bungalow and he helped me up to his front door. Given that it is a bungalow it isn't the most wheelchair accessible and he had to help me up a step and then guide me down a large step into his main room. We made our way to the living room where he and my sister had to carry me in the wheelchair over some pipes. I had him lay a white sheet down and set some lights up while my sister and I discussed what to do. She then left the room and the rest can be seen here!

I took my sister to work last night, it was for someone in a wheelchair and as usual I was waiting in the car when I saw a man get out of a mini bus in a wheelchair. I opened my window and was talking to another man who then invited me in so I thought 'why not?' and he took my chair out of the boot and reassembled it and in we went. I went straight to the room where my sister was getting changed and when she went out to do her thing I sat by the door and watched. There were a few people in wheelchairs, some were definitely quads but not sure if some were paras or recovered quads. One of the men asked if I did any wheelchair sport and I swiftly informed him I do not do sport, I have never done sport and I am certainly not interested in wheelchair sport. It seemed like I was expected to all of a sudden change who I am and enter the Paralympics because I am in a wheelchair. One man even kept on and on about me joining their wheelchair rugby team. I got a bit pissed off and asked him if he wanted to do a sport because he can walk. As he kept on so did I saying 'why don't you do archery, you could compete in the Olympics? I need an archer'. You would've thought someone so involved with disabled people would know better than to assume ALL wheelchair people should do a sport. In that case I assume all people who can walk should do a sport.

On the way home I had cold legs so I turned the heating on in my car and set the blowers onto my feet and legs. They soon warmed up, little did I know maybe too warm and when I got home and took my shoes off my right foot was red! I cooled it down as much as I could but I could see a slight blister forming on my toe next to the big toe. Today it is less red but blotchy and I have a few small blisters and the blister that was forming is much bigger. I am always so careful, feel like a bit of an ass now!

I have a magazine coming over in an hour to take pictures for my skydive promotion exercise.

Not an update but a reply to a comment - I didn't cut my hair, someone else did after I distinctly stated I did NOT want my hair cut more than an inch. They cut it so short I can barely get it in a bobble and I hate it with a passion.

It's tent time again this weekend as I prepare for Creamfields! I had 2 sunbeds this week which is usual for me. On Monday when I went though I was getting my chair out and I heard a voice ask if I needed help. Seeing as my chair was ready to go I declined and the voice asked if it was a wheelchair as the car door was in the way. I looked up to see a mid 40's year old overweight woman sat outside the cafe where I park and I answered yes. The fool then made an 'aww love you' sort of noise to which I obviously assertively said 'I don't want your pity, thanks'. I should have been 'awwing' at her for being so God damn ugly and old but I don't do thinks like that because it's RUDE!

On my way to the Post Office I hit a lip in the paving stones and slowly tumbled out of my chair. A man came to my aid so I quickly explained my legs don't work so merely assisting me will not help (I've had people offer a hand or arm before, thanks guys!) so he got me back in my chair safely. An old man then decided to inform me the Olympics were over to which I dryly replied 'thanks'.

Anyway,all 4 wigs I ordered have arrived now so I don't have to live in hair hell and they even stay on when I fall out of my chair haha!

Today I woke up at 10am and it was looking sunny. I did my usual bathroom thing and wiggled into a pair of dark blue jeans and a black t shirt with my new stray kitty following me waiting for whatever food I was having. Turns out I ran out of cereal last night so I made do with some cooked chicken and Parma ham and chucked some down for the cat. I tied my now short hair on top of my head, got my long black wig on and did my make up then made my way to the car, got in and dismantled my wheelchair as usual and put in beside me.

I drove to my favourite photographer's house. He is a witch and a Reiki Master and I was off for my Attunement which is like my first lesson and means I can use it on myself and others in the hope of being able to help speed up healing and such. He was interested to see if my aura was the same through my body seeing as I was paralysed and he picked up on some things I hadn't mentioned which weren't obvious such as extra nerve damage on one side. There was another lady there and we all took turns practicing Reiki on each other. Whether or not it was power of suggestion or it really had some sort of affect I could feel extra tingling in my legs and think I felt changes in both their auras where injuries had been. It was interesting either way!

I got bodypainted again yesterday - as a robot! I am very busy this week so I won't be revealing them until next week. On Wednesday my sister and I dressed as a bumble bee and lady bird and went to Cardiff courtesy of a BBC3 show named Snog, Marry, Avoid. I am going there this evening ready to be 'made under' tomorrow. It will be aired in January.

I saw a fan on Tuesday and got a parking ticket in the disabled bay so have to writ to them and appeal. How rude! I've been busy all week to be honest! Befriended my lad again and hope things have changed - we'll see!

My housemate and I went to Thailand last November and stayed in Bangkok but had a day trip to Pattaya where we realised it was better than Bangkok with a beach as well as a lot of things to see and do. Where my housemate has been in London he has seen adverts in the London Metro for Pattaya for 2 weeks £400. I did an online search and found a 5* hotel in Pattaya (on the North bit) for 2 weeks plus flights £820 each! When we went before we went for just over a week and flights were about £500 each and the accommodation which was 3* cost I think £12 between us per night but a search on hotels in Pattaya is at least £30 a night and that's probably not 5*, not that that matters - you just get posher facilities and more of them in a 5*. Our stay in Bangkok was wonderful, the staff were great!

So anyway, we're going to go to Pattaya for 2 weeks woo!

Went for a sunbed today and whilst in the area decided to peruse the local market and tout for sponsors! Only one couple ran away but in all it was a good turn out til it started absolutely hammering with rain! Got soaked on the way to the car, no point rushing as I lose grip in the rain. An old man offered his stick for me to get into my car haha bless xx

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It's been hotting up with my Real Radio mention and my appearance on the online radio station BR fm. Their server is down but hoping to have my recorded interview (camera and audio) on there soon!  xx

Paper Story

I will be in the Echo on Sat or Mon and it will be on http://www.walesonline.co.uk and Snog Marry Avoid have contacted me, I hope it works out xx

I am supposed to be having a radio interview in a bit and photos for a publication, will tell you all later who for xx I can't remember lol xx Got my Spinal Research t-shirt on for it :-D

I bought a mop yesterday and had an urge to use it today so I filled a bucket up and managed to get it on the floor without spilling too much, added disinfectant and started mopping. Not as easy as it sounds ha ha. I eventually did the kitchen then put the bucket on my lap to do the bathroom and tipped it over my jeans! I still went and did the bathroom floor and whilst using a sponge to get in and around the toilet and shower chair I popped out of my wheelchair! That happened earlier too whilst leaning over to pick up shoes and yesterday I fell out backwards whilst on the phone to a magazine ha ha! I didn't even flinch, I continued the call and once I had finished got some help from a kind driver. Ah I'm a dick aye lol xx

At my block of apartments we all have allocated parking spots and on the very rare occasion that I can't get into my space (Jodie sometimes blocks me in so I do a tight 3 point turn out) I use a vacant space a few metres over. On Monday I was in that space and the woman who owns that space asked me to move my car for absolutely no reason which to be honest I found a bit selfish and today she asked again. This is the 2nd time I've ever used her space so I went out and spoke with her and said I thought it was selfish of her seeing as she doesn't use it and she disagreed saying it was her space. Anyway, her daughter arrived saying she lives locally and drives over so I light heartedly said 'why don't you walk, lazy!'. She even laughed! Anyway I didn't wish to make an enemy so I bought a nice card and wrote an apology inside and my lad took it up to her apartment. When he returned he told me she said thank you but then started complaining saying I called her daughter fat and lazy! Oh well, stuff her!

It's been a bit too hot lately and today I struggled to get out of bed. As soon as I got up I felt hotter and started to get sticky with sweat, felt faint and had to lie back down. It's cloudy now so it's cooler. I like the warm don't get me wrong but May is hot enough! If there was a breeze it would help!

On Saturday it was a friend's engagement party. In my honest opinion this friend claims every guy she meets is special and she likes him a lot. She got pregnant straight away which is wonderful as she wants a child as does her man but they've barely been together since Christmas. Anyway, I got up and had a shower in the bath and washed my hair and decided on a pair of skinny grey satin jeans, a pale yellow Hello Kitty t shirt and cream high heels. It's so awkward with my toes I use a screwdriver to force them straight in my shoes. My lad and I made our way to the venue where there was a slight decline and I let myself freewheel and I knew moments before it happened that I was going to pop out of my chair and I did ha ha! This man ran over and gave me his arm as if I was just going to grab it and stand up, which is why I'm in a wheelchair of course *rolls eyes*. I made it with some real help from my lad and enjoyed the party for a few hours before returning home.

My friend called inviting us to a house party so we drove over and my lad carried me like a princess down the steps and into the house. She was insanely drunk and really pissed me off so we left shortly after!

Saturday was a beautiful day which was a surprise as it had been raining all week. I got up at 11am and took myself to the bathroom to brush my teeth, wash my face, do my catheter and have a wash. I always put a towel on my wheelchair so I can transfer back on with my wet bum. Back in my bedroom I sat on the bed and crossed my legs for balance so I could put deodorant on. I then wiggled into a white bikini and pulled a silver skirt on with white fur and a silver halter neck top and pulled white leg warmers onto my skinny little legs. I eased my floppy feet into my silver and white ballet pumps and went into the hall where I brushed my hair then I did my make up and we were ready to go!

I don't use the slideboard getting into the car anymore to try and protect my bum. My housemate and his friend put my wheelchair in the car boot before setting off to pick up my friend from her house and going to our favourite carvery. We ate it outside in the beer garden as it was so warm and then we drove to Swansea, told the car park attendant I am disabled and parked up. It was on stony ground but I managed to get out and we went to the fields across the road which are right by the large expanse of beach. Everyone was there and we stayed for a few hours before deciding to go into the event that was being held - Escape in The Park. It was a long path to the main gate and a lot of it was uphill so my friend pushed me and we had to wheelie across the grass. There was only one disabled toilet and that was hidden so no one else knew about it unless they asked.

We went about the event and I got out of the chair and sat on my cushion on the grass. To get back in my friend picked me up. It got dark quite late and the event finished at about 11pm so after that I had assistance getting to the car and we went to my friend's house in Barry. My housemate carried me up the stairs and to the toilet and we stayed there til 10am Sunday then came home and carried the party on. I hadn't slept properly since Wednesday night so I went to bed by 2pm and woke at about 9pm to take our Barry friend home. On the way back my housemate and I went to Walston Castle Beefeater. Yum!

I am reaping the benefits of being disabled and have just discovered two events I wish to attend offer complimentary tickets for my carer/helper (read 'friend' lol). Both these events are 2-3 days long and involve camping. I am very excited, me and my friend will share the full cost of the ticket price and get hunky men to erect our tents. The floor to chair thing will be an issue but I'm sure someone will be able to pick me up if need be!

My missing anti tip has taken its first victim! I went to the boys house and the one lad asked me to show his mrs my wheelie so I duly did my super wheelie before lining myself up against the sofa to transfer on to it. The wooden floor does no favours so I asked my lad to hold my chair while I did my stuff and the wheelchair was soon liberated by the same lad who saw my very big wheelie so really he should've known better when he flicked the wheels. I heard a huge bang and laughter and there he was sprawled on the floor, the wheelchair upside down beside him haha!

Yesterday was a packed day. I got up and washed my hair before washing my face and brushing my teeth. I religiously moisturise as I get dry patches plus I feel it helps prevent aging which is great seeing as I like to undo that by using sunbeds! I put my wheelchair at a 45 degree angle to my toilet chair and lifted over to do my catheter and have a wash then expertly popped myself back into my chair, adjusted my feet and went to my bedroom where I plopped onto the bed and wiggled into a little polka dot skirt and white vest. I blow dried my hair and wheeled into the kitchen to have some cereal. I told my lad we would be leaving soon and did my makeup then curled my hair with a wonderful new curling wand sent to me by a friend in America.

When I was done we went to the car where I pulled alongside the driver's seat and used the slide board to get into my seat. I pulled the seat forward using the steering wheel, adjusted my legs and wiggled into a comfy position while my lad put my chair in the boot and we went to his so he could bath and shave. While he was busy I popped to the local supermarket and then waited in the car til he was done.

On arrival to Cardiff Bay we looked in a steak place for food but it was quite pricey so we drove to the car park closer to the Bay and looked at all the menus outside all the restaurants til I saw one I fancied and we went in. We asked for directions to a venue and made our way there to find it was upstairs with an elevator. We waited outside til the doors opened and we were shown to the disabled seating. The room filled and eventually the show started with a young man in Victorian ringmaster attire without the hat. He entertained us with mild humour and a song before introducing a beautiful singer, a group of ladies performing entertaining burlesque and a lady who performed classy strip tease, not to nudity. All in all it was a good night. On the way back to the car I didn't see the half circle drainage bit of the pavement and I almost flung myself out of my chair! Thankfully there was a bollard right in front of me and I instinctively reached for it and saved the drama! We drove home the scenic route and had a lazy day today.

It's been beautiful weather all week, I had a few appointments - one to get my car serviced which took an hour and a half. They didn't tell me that on the phone so I had to wait and read the newspapers til it was ready.

On Thursday and Friday I picked my man up and we went to the local supermarket for bread and fillings then made our way somewhere to have a picnic. Because he isn't home and ready til gone 3pm it's already getting chilly so I start complaining about the cold before 6pm and we have to leave. If he was quicker in the supermarket that would help - he always dithers over what to have where I just pick things up and move onto the next item.

Today the lads were having a barbecue so we went over and spent some time there til I got bored and cold but he didn't want to leave so I had him help me to the car and I went back on my own. He came back a couple of hours later.

I had such a busy week last week. On Tuesday I had an appointment with an optician to check my eyes for suitability for laser eye surgery and I booked it right there and then for this Wednesday! After the check up I couldn't really see properly as they put drops in my eyes and I felt a bit sick so my lad and me went into some shops briefly before moving onto a restaurant named Old Orleans for dinner.

Thursday I made my way to London to see a dear friend and we had a fantastic time as well as a slap up meal and Friday I picked my sister up for work and we chilled all weekend til I took her home late yesterday evening.

Today my housemate returned from his weekend and we went for a meal. Whilst there my friend text saying her brother (my lad) had changed his relationship status on FaceBook. I checked on my phone and saw a request to have him as my boyfriend. I found it a bit rude to just change it and not discuss it so I waited til I got home and he popped over and I asked him what changed his mind about not putting names on things and was he absolutely sure and he explained how much he likes me and cares about me so I accepted the request and, well, I'm in a relationship!

Today I made sure I didn't go back to sleep as I had plans - my housemate was home, the weather fantastic and the day free! I pulled myself up and moved my legs around to the side of the bed, shuffled forwards and slid into my wheelchair, picked up a towel and made my way to the bathroom where I parked at 90 degrees to my shower chair and swung myself over to have a wash and do my catheter. I placed my towel on my wheelchair ready to sit on and took myself back into my room.

On the bed I wiggled a pair of white panties on and black footless tights as well as a yellow skirt, black bra and black vest. Thinking it may be cold I pulled on a grey cardigan and went into the kitchen for my cereal. I transferred onto the sofa and put some make up on and plaited my hair.

Outside I gave my housemate the video camera and opened the boot of my car. I pushed up and got myself into the boot and manoeuvred myself to get the wheelchair in bit by bit and wiggled myself into the front seat and we went to the park where I climbed out of the car, lifted and pushed myself around to the boot and took my wheelchair out, reassembled it and got in it - from the floor! I had to get in the boot again to put my cushion on my wheelchair and then we were ready for some playground fun! I went straight to the helter skelter slide and tried to climb the supporting pole and my housemate had to save me as it was more difficult than I imagined! I went to the bottom of the slide, transferred down onto it and pulled myself up the slide before sliding back down. I decided to have a go on a swing so shuffled onto one and tried to swing. It was a bit risky as I was either too far forward or too far back and my housemate safely put me back in my chair!

When I got home I put the memory card in my laptop and the footage seems to be jumpy so I am trying to convert it and see if it changes as it plays fine in my camera, think it is because the settings are for High Definition in the camcorder. The files are HUGE!

I will stay at that lad's place tonight as he has the day off. Earlier I was telling him about the different types of fan I have and explained what pretenders and wannabes are as well as the few not-so-nice minority and he asked what I think of him in that way. He could be a closet devotee so I carefully worded it and asked if he secretly likes it and explained that for a lot of Devs it is very hard for them, they are made to feel abnormal and it's almost like coming out as gay and I wouldn't like him any less but if he only liked me for my chair he could leave. He said he likes me for me and wishes I wasn't disabled. I hope further down the line he doesn't decide that it's a problem....

I went for a carvery and to the cinema with the girl I went out with last Friday (the sister of the lad I've been writing about) and took extra time to curl my hair ensuring I didn't accidentally place anything hot in my numb lap. At the cinema the car park was full so I had to park quite far away. At half 9 the lad text saying to let him know when I'm back. I got back at about 1am and he came down and we went to bed after a bit and messed about. It did get quite heated and even though I'm numb from the waist down I swear my pussy was pulsing, the nerves are stupid and don't know they're severed so I was getting quite frustrated as the feeling makes me want to feel something inside me which I can't. I didn't say anything, I'm not ready to take it further for a start! I can still feel that feeling now as I remember, argh!

I've been texting that guy this week but to be honest the texts he sends give nothing away, no 'hello gorgeous', no kisses at the end, no clue whether he is going to (or wants to see me) and he only texts briefly. I didn't see him online last night and he didn't text today and come 7pm I caved and asked him 'where's my buddy?'. He replied that he would be seeing the lads upstairs later and would pop in. I didn't believe him as he said that 3 times the week before and didn't so I told him so.

At about half 9 he text asking what I'm up to so I said watching The Big Bang Theory and he text saying he was upstairs and did I want to go up. I said wait til 10 as I really enjoy The Big Bang Theory and come get me. I quickly put some make up on and he came and carried me upstairs at 10pm, carefully placing me on the sofa. He sat on the arm of the sofa for a while, putting his arm not around me but behind me, his hand resting on my shoulder. When he moved to have a smoke I rearranged my legs and was conscious of how skinny they look even with my tight jeans on. Well, they used to be tight, when I still had legs that worked.

After a few hours I felt my abdomen and it was a bit bloated so I knew it was time to use the toilet. He took me there and I struggled to get my jeans down and pee, even more so to pull my knickers and jeans back up. I moved from side to side holding onto the sink, radiator or windowsill til I was decent and called him to carry me back to the safety of the sofa.

When it was time to leave he carried me back, placed me in my chair which didn't have the brakes on and it was a little awkward til he leaned down and we kissed. He said he'll probably see me tomorrow (he's always upstairs with the lads I know). I saw him out, locked the door and told my housemate about the goings on of the evening.

Getting into something with someone on a bit more than friendship level doesn't half make me completely aware that I can't move my legs and am wheelchair dependent. I feel embarrassed getting into my chair and wheeling about as well as knowing full well I can't do as much in bed as I used to! It hasn't got that far, I'm not easy and I need to find inner peace again before I let anyone get closer to me but it is still in the corner of my mind that I'm not who I used to be.

He isn't a Dev (as far as I know lol!) and I do think negative thoughts about myself like the ones you hear when an AB and wheeler are out and they hear someone say 'wow she's gorgeous, I guess being in the chair makes her more on his level' because the AB guy isn't so good looking. It's not even about looks, I've had a long term relationship with someone who wouldn't be considered a looker but he was a brilliant man and I liked him, that's all that mattered. Sometimes I think 'wow is he so desperate he has to go with a disabled lady' and I don't mean that to offend anyone - I have my own issues here and don't really give a f*ck about anyone getting offended by my innermost thoughts and feelings!

I guess it's all a waiting game, I don't expect to be at a certain stage, putting names on things and pushing for things. I'm secure in myself in some ways, I'm just having difficulty with how others perceive me perhaps or more like how he sees me and why. Reading this back I think I'm definitely worrying over something so silly and I am enjoying it and need to sort my head out. I just can't switch my head off!

I was bored on Friday and knew they were all congregating in an apartment above mine so I grabbed some catheters and my keys, got outside and rang their buzzer. What I didn't bank on was getting stuck on the snow/ice and I was trying to wheel yet getting nowhere ha ha! Luckily one lad came down and pulled me in and carried me to the apartment upstairs.

The lads are fascinated by the chair, they all compete in it who can wheelie best and drive in one furthest and one managed to topple the chair even though I have the anti-tip bar!

I'm a naturally hyper, chatty person and I like to amuse myself and did just that and they were all so quiet that come 5am I was playing with the curtains and the lad who rescued me asked did I want to go home. I don't think I could've said yes faster! He came too and we chatted for a while and he fell asleep on the sofa under my super furry pink blanket and on a pink fluffy heart shaped pillow. I obviously took a picture of that and got it on the Internet! I went into my own bed and when I heard him wake up called him in to talk some more. When he left he said he'd probably be back later so I left the door unlocked and went to bed at 8pm as I didn't sleep much the night prior and woke at 3am, had dinner and came online for a bit then went back to bed.

At 6am I heard a noise and it was that lad steaming drunk. I called him into my room and he took his clothes off bar his pants which was just so funny, I didn't know what to think of that. He jumped in the bed and started having a good old natter, talking and laughing and one of the other lads soon came down too and was like a stand-up comedian in the room. I laughed so hard I hurt where I can't feel it!

So I made it to London and back. It is impossible to get anywhere in the snow in a wheelchair as the wheels just spin into the snow and you go nowhere so I couldn't go until my housemate returned from his New Year's debauchery a week after New Year...